The Tooth Fairy - The belief of young children that when they leave a tooth that fell out under their pillow, the Tooth Fairy will visit them when they were asleep to take their tooth and leave money in return for it. I remember my youngest daughter being so scared everytime she lost a tooth. She had this impression that the Tooth Fairy was a hideous and ugly thing, more like a wicked witch, I think.
Anyhow, an ad is running on Australian TV where a little boy, about 6 years old, goes to his grandmother with his tooth in his hand.
Little boy: Look Grandma, I lost a tooth.
Grandmother: Oh! Well, leave your tooth under your pillow and the Tooth Fairy will leave you money for that.
Nightfall comes and the boy is in his bed but not asleep. Grandma, however, was fast asleep in her bedroom. He creeps out of his room and tiptoes into Grandma's room. Why do you think?
He quietly goes to the glass sitting on Grandma's bedside table and carefully pulls her dentures from the glass and creeps back to his room and puts the dentures under his pillow before he closes his eyes.
Moral of the Story: How to get rich-er quicker!
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
That Thing That Jumps!
Yesterday morning, I put the kettle on to boil so that we could have our morning cup of tea, my normal morning ritual, while Farm Stud was about to have his shower. I heard him speaking to someone so I walked to find him, round corners and through doors in this old house. I asked him who he was talking to.
Tractor-chick: Were you asking me something? I heard you saying something.
Farm Stud: No I was talking to the frog.
Tractor-chick: Frog? What frog?
I, then, noticed that both his hands were cupped in front of him.
Farm Stud: The one in my hands. I was trying to pick up the last bits of soap to bin when something started moving. I looked again and it was a frog.
Tractor-chick: Thank goodness it was you who decided to have your shower first!
Farm Stud: Let me release him in the garden and we can have our cup of tea.
After our tea and his shower, it was my turn to brush my teeth. As usual, I would remove my glasses before I get to the sink so that I can brush the teeth, wash the face and put on my contact lenses.
I get my toothbrush, turn on the tap and out of the sink hole something really dark, almost black emerges and starts doing little jumps.
Tractor-chick: (screaming) Baaaaaabe there's something in the sink.
Farm Stud: (yelling back, a little annoyed) What is it?
Tractor-chick: I don't know! I can't see! I'm not wearing my glasses. It came out of the sink hole!!! Hurry, I left the tap running too!!!
Meanwhile, I was running away and towards the bedroom.
Farm Stud: Oh it's just a little frog. It won't eat much and it won't hurt ya. Come little fella, let me get you out of here.
Fiesty frog decided that it wanted to find it's own way out so it jumped right out of Farm Stud's hands towards the bedroom.
Tractor-chick: (screaming and screaming with toothbrush in hand and jumped on the bed with legs and feet off the floor) It's coming this way! Hurry up! Catch it! Aaaaaarrrrrgggghhhhh.
Farm Stud: (laughting) It won't hurt ya.
Well, thank goodness he managed to catch it and got it outside.
Ever since then, I approach the sink with caution and I keep my glasses on until the last moment when I need to get my contact lenses in.
Let me tell you, there's never a dull moment in this place! :)
Friday, March 11, 2011
Bellbirds
Tractor-chick: What?
Farm Stud: Bellbirds
Tractor-chick: What's that?
Farm Stud: The sound in the trees passing us by.
Tractor-chick: But it sounds like squeaks.
Farm Stud: No, they're bellbirds.
Farm Stud decides to break into poetry just then! Here I was still trying to understand what he was talking about until I realized the "squeaks" are actually the singing of birds known as Bellbirds. I learnt that Henry Kendall, who lived in the 1800s wrote a poem about Bellbirds in 1869.
A little bit about these Bellbirds:
Bellbirds by Henry Kendall is one of Australia's best loved poems, and almost every Australian has at one time or another heard or repeated its melodic phrases, so evocative of the cool, dim blue and green of the Australian mountain country. This poem was first published in a work entitled "Leaves from Australian Forests" by Henry Kendall in the year of 1869.
The bellbird itself is a very small greyish bird. Its call or melody is simply one singular chiming note which seems to ring through their environmental habitat - the mountains and their foothills of Eastern Australia. They may be heard clearly in the quietness of the mountains and hills, although are rarely seen, unless an attitude of patience is adopted. It is clear that to Henry Kendall, the mountains were a place of refuge and beauty. The Australian mountains are concentrated in a reasonable narrow band known as the "Great Dividing Range" which runs from the tip of Cape York in the north, down the eastern coast - over 3000 kms - through the Snowy and all the way to the Dandenongs in Victoria, and no doubt the same range extends under the Bass Straight and down into the wilderness areas of Tasmania.
The nature of the mountain lands is captured here in the poetry of Henry Kendall and it is equally clear that this nature is not restricted to Australia, but extends to all the planetary mountain lands and the refuges they afford to those who would journey therein in search of peace, harmony and the chance to experience the natural world.
To hear what they sound like - it's mesmerising to the point that I keep my ears open whenever we are driving past locations with dense forest - visit the youtube address: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_72WGRT0mJw
The poem:
BELLBIRDS - By Henry Kendall
By channels of coolness the echoes are calling,
And down the dim gorges I hear the creek falling:
It lives in the mountain where moss and the sedges
Touch with their beauty the banks and the ledges.
Through breaks of the cedar and sycamore bowers
Struggles the light that is love to the flowers;
And, softer than slumber, and sweeter than singing,
The notes of the bell-birds are running and ringing.
The silver-voiced bell birds, the darlings of daytime!
They sing in September their songs of the May-time;
When shadows wax strong, and the thunder bolts hurtle,
They hide with their fear in the leaves of the myrtle;
When rain and the sunbeams shine mingled together,
They start up like fairies that follow fair weather;
And straightway the hues of their feathers unfolden
Are the green and the purple, the blue and the golden.
October, the maiden of bright yellow tresses,
Loiters for love in these cool wildernesses;
Loiters, knee-deep, in the grasses, to listen,
Where dripping rocks gleam and the leafy pools glisten.
Then is the time when the water-moons splendid
Break with their gold, and are scattered or blended
Over the creeks, till the woodlands have warning
Of songs of the bell-bird and wings of the Morning.
Welcome as waters unkissed by the summers
Are the voices of bell-birds to the thirsty far-comers.
When fiery December sets foot in the forest,
And the need of the wayfarer presses the sorest,
Pent in the ridges for ever and ever
The bell-birds direct him to spring and to river,
With ring and with ripple, like runnels who torrents
Are toned by the pebbles and the leaves in the currents.
Often I sit, looking back to a childhood,
Mixt with the sights and the sounds of the wildwood,
Longing for power and the sweetness to fashion,
Lyrics with beats like the heart-beats of Passion;
Songs interwoven of lights and of laughters
Borrowed from bell-birds in far forest-rafters;
So I might keep in the city and alleys
The beauty and strength of the deep mountain valleys:
Charming to slumber the pain of my losses
With glimpses of creeks and a vision of mosses.
THE END - One of Australia's treasures to behold!
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Moo Moo & Poo Poo!
Several months ago in December, Farm Stud decided that he wanted to buy some steers for his property (he sells them after 18 months or so), so he announced that we going to the sale yards where suppliers of cattle place them in enclosures.
I was quite excited to be going to see how they went about this business of sellers selling their cattle to ready buyers - auction style! Just in case there is cow poo that we'll have to walk past & over, I decided to wear jeans and my "farm" boots.
Anyway, we get there and all the enclosures are arranged side-by-side in a row. Each enclosure has a gate (of course!) with the cattle within. Alongside each row of cattle enclosures (& cattle) is a slightly raised platform that runs the length of each row of enclosures. This raised platform is for the buyers to examine the cattle in each enclosure so that they can decide which batch of cattle they would like to bid for when the auctioneer comes around.
The auction is carried out systematically with the auctioneer and his "sidekicks" moving along yet another platform which is higher than the audience's platform, more like overhead but across from the audience's platform.
Before the auction begins, Farm Stud & I move through gates onto the different platforms to examine the cattle of interest. So I decide to stand at one spot looking over the railing at the steers below me when one of the steers in the enclosure decide that he wants to hump another mate of his. That enclosure was really crowded with about 15 of the steers so space was a scarcity when the randy one decided to rise to the occasion. The "humpee", however, was in no way, happy to oblige so decided to move forward away from the rising hooves of the other one. The inevitable, you guessed it, happened. While trying to get away in a small space, the runaway steer kicked up some of the green soft stuff that was on the ground in their enclosure flew and some got on the arm of the lady standing next to me while some of it flew and SPLAT!On my jeans! COW POO!
I tried to hide the green stuff on my jeans because I didn't have tissue or paper to get it off my jeans. I casually walked over to Farm Stud:
Tractor-Chick: Guess what?
Farm-Stud: What?
Tractor-Chick: (sheepishly & discreetly pointed) Look!
Farm-Stud: Hahahahaha! They got you!!! Hahahahaha!
Tractor-Chick: Did you have to laugh so loudly? (making a face) I'm beginning to feel the wet going through my jeans onto my thigh!
Farm-Stud: Hahahaha!
Tractor-Chick: I'm going to the car for some tissue!
Farm-Stud: Hahahaha! Alright Babe, shit happens at a cattle-yard sale!
Welcome to Australia!
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
The Shit-Carter's Hat!
Remember my last blog with Aussie slang? Well, I'm referring to my comment about a shit-carter's hat and why it's so flat. I'll leave you with a question which will give you the answer.
The shit-carter has to collect the tin container from the stand-alone toilet to fit on his vehicle like a drawer. Guess how he carries the full container from the toilet to the vehicle?
Welcome to Australia!
The shit-carter has to collect the tin container from the stand-alone toilet to fit on his vehicle like a drawer. Guess how he carries the full container from the toilet to the vehicle?
Welcome to Australia!
Monday, January 17, 2011
The Colour In Aussie Colloqualism - Part 2
I've gathered more words of Aussie slang for your reading pleasure:
In the days of old, when the sewage system was nowhere similar to what we have nowadays with the flush and all. In those days, the loo was basically a tall wooden structure, similar in size to the broom closet, with a roof and a raised floor with a "hole" in it. Beneath this "hole" sat a tin container. A person needing to visit the loo will have to enter this "closet" and stoop over the "hole" (it was oval in shape, long and as broad as the width of your hips) to do the necessary through the hole into this container (I know, I know, too much info!). Obviously someone had to take it away once it was full and replace it with an empty one!
One guess as who a shit-carter is! I'm guessing that his hat was really flat & no one could really tell me why it was so if it was so!!!! I really have my doubts about what the flatness of the hat had to do with the job he had to do! Oh well....
Welcome to Australia!
- Pop-off - FART
- Dag - SHIT THAT HANGS ON THE WOOL OF A SHEEP'S BUM!
- A bit ho-hum - NOT SHIT HOT/JUST AVERAGE
- Howz ur dad? - SAME AS 3 ABOVE (I really don't see how it's even related!!! - told ya confusing bunch!)
- Six of 1 or 1/2 dozen of the other - SAME THING/NO DIFFERENCE
- Bunging it on - FAKING IT.
- She can talk underwater with a mouth full of cement - SHE TALKS INCESSANTLY
- As flat as a shit-carter's hat - FLAT AS A SHEET OF PAPER
- Hoo Roo - GOODBYE
Monday, January 10, 2011
Arachnophobia
Summer is the time for spiders & snakes in Australia, so I've been told. Well, I don't hope to see snakes but I've seen enough spiders to last me a lifetime!
Anyway, a couple of weeks ago, Farm Stud's mother, let's call her Horse Rider, came a calling. She needed to go to the loo and I was in the kitchen waiting for the water to boil to make us a pot of tea.
I spilled something on the floor & reached out to tear a segment off the roll of kitchen towel sitting on the microwave oven. After I tore the piece off, there sitting on the vertical side of the roll was this wolf spider, big, brown & menacing-looking. Of course, you can guess what happened next! I screamed!
Horse Rider (from the loo): What? What? What happened?
Tractor Chick: (screaming again) Aaaaarrrrrggggghhhh!
Horse Rider: (coming round the corner): What is it?
Tractor Chick: There's a huge spider on the kitchen towel.
I turned around to look at Horse Rider & there she was standing with the front part of her knickers up while the back part was down! I couldn't stop laughing.
Tractor Chick (still laughing): It's ok, I think you have time to finish what you were doing. The spider doesn't seem to be going anywhere.
The Horse Rider finally came out of the loo all tidied up and she saved me from the spider.
WELCOME TO AUSTRALIA!
Anyway, a couple of weeks ago, Farm Stud's mother, let's call her Horse Rider, came a calling. She needed to go to the loo and I was in the kitchen waiting for the water to boil to make us a pot of tea.
I spilled something on the floor & reached out to tear a segment off the roll of kitchen towel sitting on the microwave oven. After I tore the piece off, there sitting on the vertical side of the roll was this wolf spider, big, brown & menacing-looking. Of course, you can guess what happened next! I screamed!
Horse Rider (from the loo): What? What? What happened?
Tractor Chick: (screaming again) Aaaaarrrrrggggghhhh!
Horse Rider: (coming round the corner): What is it?
Tractor Chick: There's a huge spider on the kitchen towel.
I turned around to look at Horse Rider & there she was standing with the front part of her knickers up while the back part was down! I couldn't stop laughing.
Tractor Chick (still laughing): It's ok, I think you have time to finish what you were doing. The spider doesn't seem to be going anywhere.
The Horse Rider finally came out of the loo all tidied up and she saved me from the spider.
WELCOME TO AUSTRALIA!
The Colour In Aussie Colloqualism
This is for those who are ever planning to live in Australia.
When I first started visiting Oz, not only was it a struggle to cope with the lazy Aussie drawl, I also had to deal with the "colour" in the words they used. So, being the charitable human being, I've decided that I'll share some of what I've learnt with you. The interpretation will, of course, be the Singapore version.
So far so good that I can remember that many! I'll surely update you with more as & when I gather them.
WELCOME TO AUSTRALIA!
When I first started visiting Oz, not only was it a struggle to cope with the lazy Aussie drawl, I also had to deal with the "colour" in the words they used. So, being the charitable human being, I've decided that I'll share some of what I've learnt with you. The interpretation will, of course, be the Singapore version.
- A few roos short in the top paddock - SCREW LOOSE.
- Furphy - A LIE.
- Porky Pie - A LIE (again).
- Yesty - YESTERDAY.
- Arvo - AFTERNOON.
- Bull Dust - DON'T BLUFF.
- Uhming & ah-ring - UHM, AH.
- Fair dinkum - HONESTLY, TRUTHFULLY.
- Spuds - POTATOES.
- Dunny - TOILET.
- Dunny roll/paper - TOILET ROLL/PAPER.
- Bum nuts - EGGS.
- Tub up - BATH/SHOWER.
- Pain the pinny - STOMACH ACHE.
- Chook - CHICKEN.
- Tea - DINNER.
- Dinner - LUNCH.
So far so good that I can remember that many! I'll surely update you with more as & when I gather them.
WELCOME TO AUSTRALIA!
Sunday, January 2, 2011
The Galapagos House - Part 2
Before I went to bed last night, I had to use the loo, as usual. This 150-year old house in Maitland is not ensuite so a walk through a short hallway was necessary to get to where I needed to go. Before I could get halfway, I noticed something on the floor. It looked very much like the round fluff of dog hair + dust from under the sofa, fridge, etc. It looked a bit strange so I decided to take the other route through the lounge and out the other door to the loo. Doing this it allowed me to bypass the thing on the floor, just in case it was alive.
As I got to the door of the loo, I looked again at this thing on the floor and this ball of fluff looked like it had a pair of eyes looking away from me. The lighting wasn't very good, obviously, because I couldn't make out what it was.
Tractor Chick: (yelling out) Hey Babe! There is something here that looks strange.
Farm Stud: (From the bedroom & yelling back) What is it?
Tractor Chick: I don't know but it has fur on it & I think it has a pair of eyes on it.
Farm Stud: Is it a rat?
Tractor Chick: No no it's only small, not as big as a rat.
Farm Stud: Is it a mouse?
Tractor Chick: No no it's sitting too still to be a mouse.
Farm Stud: Is it a spider?
Tractor Chick: No I know what a spider looks like.
Farm Stud: What is it?
Tractor Chick: (yelling louder) I don't know!
After doing the deed, I came out of the loo and continued to stare at this ball of fluff. I took one careful step toward it & it did the unexpected; IT JUMPED!
Tractor Chick: (screaming) IT JUMPED!!
Farm Stud: (yelling louder) WHAT IS IT?
Tractor Chick: (still screaming) I DON'T KNOW BUT IT'S GOT FUR!
Farm Stud: (running from the bedroom) What is it? Hahahahaha...what is it? Oh, it's a frog & it's covered in fur!
Tractor Chick: See I told you it was something weird!
Farm Stud: (going after it till he caught it in his hands) It's only a baby green frog. it won't hurt you. Come, have a look.
Tractor Chick: (running back through the door towards to the bedroom) NOOOOOO!!!!!
Farm Stud: (releases the frog into the garden) Hahahaha I've never seen a frog with fur!
Tractor Chick: Yeah I definitely haven't!
Farm Stud: (comes back into the bedroom still laughing) I know what it is. The frog must have landed on or through a ball of fluff from somewhere and it got stuck to its body & hopped around with it. Hahahaha. This is the best incident yet! I'll never forget it for a long time. Hahahaha.
Welcome to Australia!
As I got to the door of the loo, I looked again at this thing on the floor and this ball of fluff looked like it had a pair of eyes looking away from me. The lighting wasn't very good, obviously, because I couldn't make out what it was.
Tractor Chick: (yelling out) Hey Babe! There is something here that looks strange.
Farm Stud: (From the bedroom & yelling back) What is it?
Tractor Chick: I don't know but it has fur on it & I think it has a pair of eyes on it.
Farm Stud: Is it a rat?
Tractor Chick: No no it's only small, not as big as a rat.
Farm Stud: Is it a mouse?
Tractor Chick: No no it's sitting too still to be a mouse.
Farm Stud: Is it a spider?
Tractor Chick: No I know what a spider looks like.
Farm Stud: What is it?
Tractor Chick: (yelling louder) I don't know!
After doing the deed, I came out of the loo and continued to stare at this ball of fluff. I took one careful step toward it & it did the unexpected; IT JUMPED!
Tractor Chick: (screaming) IT JUMPED!!
Farm Stud: (yelling louder) WHAT IS IT?
Tractor Chick: (still screaming) I DON'T KNOW BUT IT'S GOT FUR!
Farm Stud: (running from the bedroom) What is it? Hahahahaha...what is it? Oh, it's a frog & it's covered in fur!
Tractor Chick: See I told you it was something weird!
Farm Stud: (going after it till he caught it in his hands) It's only a baby green frog. it won't hurt you. Come, have a look.
Tractor Chick: (running back through the door towards to the bedroom) NOOOOOO!!!!!
Farm Stud: (releases the frog into the garden) Hahahaha I've never seen a frog with fur!
Tractor Chick: Yeah I definitely haven't!
Farm Stud: (comes back into the bedroom still laughing) I know what it is. The frog must have landed on or through a ball of fluff from somewhere and it got stuck to its body & hopped around with it. Hahahaha. This is the best incident yet! I'll never forget it for a long time. Hahahaha.
Welcome to Australia!
The Galapagos House - Part 1
The "wildlife" in Maitland never ceases to amaze, surprise and shock me.
Some weeks ago when the rains were upon us for days and days, I spotted on the wall in front of me something that looked like a small snail leaving its slimy trail; with one exception! It was houseless!
Tractor Chick: Hey Babe, there is a snail on this wall that doesn't have a house! This is the first time I've seen a house-less snail. It must have lost its house in this pouring rain. All the snails that I've ever seen all had houses on their backs.
Farm Stud: (Decides to have a look at this thing) Hahaha! That's a slug.
Tractor Chick: A slug?! I thought slugs only live in the sea?
Farm Stud: No no here it is called a slug.
Tractor Chick: But it has those retractable eyes on its head just like an ordinary snail does! So how can it be called a slug? This is so weird! Do slugs here have to look for houses?
Farm Stud: Nooooo....slugs don't ever have houses. They are exactly that - house-less.
Tractor Chick: Eeeewwww it's gross!
Farm Stud: Welcome to Australia!
Some weeks ago when the rains were upon us for days and days, I spotted on the wall in front of me something that looked like a small snail leaving its slimy trail; with one exception! It was houseless!
Tractor Chick: Hey Babe, there is a snail on this wall that doesn't have a house! This is the first time I've seen a house-less snail. It must have lost its house in this pouring rain. All the snails that I've ever seen all had houses on their backs.
Farm Stud: (Decides to have a look at this thing) Hahaha! That's a slug.
Tractor Chick: A slug?! I thought slugs only live in the sea?
Farm Stud: No no here it is called a slug.
Tractor Chick: But it has those retractable eyes on its head just like an ordinary snail does! So how can it be called a slug? This is so weird! Do slugs here have to look for houses?
Farm Stud: Nooooo....slugs don't ever have houses. They are exactly that - house-less.
Tractor Chick: Eeeewwww it's gross!
Farm Stud: Welcome to Australia!
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